Right people, at the wrong time

 

I feel like I fall in love with the wrong people all the time.

It's not intentional, it just... happens. I become mesmerized by their kindness. All of a sudden, I can't get them out of my head. Their kind words, actions, and smiles melt my heart completely. Their warm hugs feel like a treasure that I didn't know I was looking for. The truth is, that their kindness on an olive branch is a minimum luxury that I have seldom been afforded. 

I fall in love with the wrong people all the time. What makes them so "wrong" if things feel so right? Well, for one, my terrible timing. It's as if fate is always plotting against me. They always come into my life when I'm not looking for them—and I always fall in love when they're not looking for me. It's painful. It's maddening. I feel like I'd do anything for them to look my way. For their gaze to hold the slightest bit of love and adoration, at least a fraction of what I feel for them. They're like the bright light of a flame, and I am but a moth that's fatally drawn to it.

But I fall in love with the wrong people all. the. time. The heartbreak has become second nature, and there is a method to this madness. I grieve and mourn, I become increasingly used to the hardship, and I convince myself every time I see them that it hurts less and less. I pretend that I'm fine, until I finally am. Then, the next one comes along. Rinse and repeat, time and time and time again. How many people do I have to go through to find mine? 

I fall in love with the wrong people all the time. More often than not, they are my closest friends. The people that I trust with all my secrets, that I reveal my innermost self to. Do I love them because I trust them? Or do I trust them (too much) because I love them?

The truth is, that even though I may be at the wrong place at the wrong time, these are never the "wrong people". They're really just people I can't have. But they were the right people for me, every time. People that I needed to meet and learn from. People that needed a friend. People that, in their own ways, also needed me, at the time.

Even if I meet these types of people again and again in my life, even if they come and go, I fall in love with them every time.